Glistening in tiny raindrops that resemble silver balls of dew, Arachne sits queen of her web, which has appeared overnight across my doorway. Usually i wouldn’t turn an outdoor light on before dawn, as i am comfortable in the darkness and keen to take in as much of the night sky as possible before Aurora shimmers silver across the horizon from the east. But i’m not at home. I’m staying in a rustic retreat centre in the Sunshine Coast hinterland, south east Queensland, leading an intensive for ecopsychotherapy students. There’s no sunshine, though. The rain of our Australian La Nina continues. Hopefully there’ll be no more flooding, although Mullumbimby residents are meeting again, in preparation for ‘Severe Weather’.
The light goes on and i step out, carefully, mindful that each step is a moment in time, not rushing to see if there is any chance of glimpsing the sunrise through the clouds. And there she is; i see her just in time, so that the door doesn’t take out her web, she doesn’t feel panicked as her airy world is shaken apart, and doesn’t end up crawling across my face.
Because i was moving slowly, i don’t have to clear silky strands from my face and help her back into her broken web. Instead, i take the time to stop in awe of her beauty. I know i should go and help my co-facilitator set up the hall for our morning yoga session, but i can’t drag myself away from this stunningly beautiful vision. Tiny crystalline balls of water glisten in the electric light, across her body and web, which is a spiralling cage of death to smaller insects, but a geometric pattern of wonder to me. My door has broken one long strand, which connects the web to the ground, so when i finally walk away, she is working on repairs.
There is no dawn glimmering today, so i can’t perform my Sunrise Ceremony, and the heavy cloud cover means no Venus, Jupiter, Mars or Saturn (or Aphrodite, Zeus, Ares and Kronos) either. I’ve been tracking this predawn planetary alignment for weeks, as i perform my morning prayers at home. It is good to be visited by the gods and goddesses, occasionally.
Back inside for yoga just after dawn, then out on Country after breakfast. What do we find when we reconnect with nature? Participants speak lovingly of rediscovering childlike delight in little things, of the watercourses they visit when they are stressed and how much calmer they feel after some time there, or of a rock in a special place that recreates a feeling of stability and confidence that has been eroded by modern reality. We speak of encounters with butterflies and ducks, of when we sense a grander scheme of things, when facing the ocean or the sky, or how we get our breath back with a walk in the bush.
We start with reality. Where are we at today? We probably shouldn’t have to work to find solace in nature, but we do. So, we create that space, sharpen our ears, make time and allow ourselves to sink back into connection. Many find deeper rest here, some feel more enlivened. All note the way their sense of separation from nature is dissolved, how they return to a feeling of being in relationship with the land, other animals, the elements. The rain has its magical rhythm, even for those who have been traumatised by the recent floods. Tears flow, wounds are reopened and healed over again, genuine smiles come easy … the earth sings and we tune in.
We sit in the Temenos, the sacred and safe space where all sharing is valid, where our vulnerable, soft, sometimes broken animal selves can peep out and find comfort in others. We practise walking therapy, deep listening to each other as well as nature, not talking over or waiting to respond, but being there, offering authenticity and the ‘unconditional positive regard’ recommended by person-centred counselling godfather Carl Rogers.
We choose Sit Spots, where we can become more aware of changes in the natural landscape from day to day, moment to moment. We open up the doors of perception and come back to our senses in the moment. We draw the mind back from its monkey-like grasping and from the machine that captures us all, all too often. Guided meditations draw our awareness down into the earth’s hum, into our unique being and our universal flow at the same time, into animal totems old and new. We learn from nature, like we always did. It provides endless metaphors of healing, empowerment and flow; the grass bounces back after being trodden down, a river flows around the rocks that seemed like barriers at first, a gentle breeze brings us back to our bodies in the here and now.
We let nature tell our life story for once, and sing around the campfire, like people have always done. It is all so easy, smooth and natural, we wonder how we ever lost this feeling in the first place.
*NB: boundless thanks to the participants and my co-facilitator Charlotte Brown. All photos by the author. If you feel moved by these words, please consider Subscribing, Sharing or Liking this post.
I recently ran an Ecopsychotherapy intensive, which requires time to reflect upon before i can share; it was so filled with exceptional moments, deep nature connection, spiritual richness and shared community that it was truly humbling and overwhelming. In the meantime, though, the question arises: why retreat?
The word “retreat” indicates that we are removing ourselves from a situation. In military terms, it often connotes a situation where we were in danger and had to run away in order to survive. Although our situation might not be so dramatic, the metaphor holds true in some ways. Everyday life in the modern world is a hectic reality and sometimes we just want to get out of the ‘rat race’. Too often we find ourselves caught up in circumstances where we feel we are fighting just to stay alive, to keep that job or position, to keep our relationship thriving, to pay the bills and keep our kids in school or our creative juices flowing in a world where everything has been reduced to the dollar.
The seemingly unending progress of economic rationalisation reduces everything in its path to commodification: what’s it worth? It doesn’t matter if it is our soul or what is left of nature; it seems that once the gaze of modern industrial society falls upon something, it is reduced to what it can be bought and sold for. No wonder the idea of a retreat seems so sensible!
But coming on retreat is more than just getting away from a crazy world, or a rushed existence. It is about remembering who we really are; the “me” behind what I appear to be like to others, the “I” beneath the socialised self that is caught up in all those games, the endless mystery and the crying child, the wounded romantic and the spiritually enlightened person that is forgotten in the hustle bustle of everyday life. Although the retreats i run are specifically designed to enhance deep connection to nature, these social aspects of ourselves are all present too. Every part of us needs to be included in a retreat, no matter what the focus is.
And regardless of the theme, by the time we leave a retreat, our boundlessly free spirit should be shining through again, ready to embrace the world and all its madness with loving arms and a compassionate heart. The person we know we are will be more ready, willing and able to step up to the bus for work, to the kitchen table for another day of family life or retiring reflection, to get back to our creative selves and to be here now. We retreat from the ‘real’ world of rushing about getting things done in order to return to it refreshed, better able to integrate our inner sense of worth with our outer existence in the physical and social world.
So, as well as going deep to rediscover our beautiful souls and loving them back into thriving, we concentrate a bit on how to integrate what we get out of the retreat into everyday life. When we’ve experienced really deep breath without any distraction, we take that out to breakfast and remain mindful of it, until it becomes natural again. When we have rediscovered that gentle child inside and how it viewed the world without judgment or hatred, we ask ourselves how it could remain alive inside our adult lives and concerns, to become a guide just as a good elder can. When we hear a bird calling to us to remind us that we are part of nature and can regain an ability to be in conversation with it, we work on hearing that voice whenever we need some wisdom to help us make a decision.
We retreat to rediscover; then we return to integrate and to share what we have learned with others. That’s how retreats work.
*NB: If you got something out of these words, please Like, Share and Subscribe for more! Lead photo credit: by Sebastian Unrau on Unsplash
How can we learn to live in the light, more often, with better outcomes?
Let’s start with the physical reality of being lit from within, with a loving glow, and then work our way towards putting that into practice in everyday life. First of all, if you have had an experience like this, there is no reason to doubt its value or ‘truth’, because we are literally lit from within, just as all matter is aglow with life. Part of any modern concept of ‘enlightenment’ must include this physical reality: that all life radiates out from a cosmic conflagration in space, which is still happening everywhere, all the time. Light is associated with so many positive connotations because of this fundamental life-giving force. This is why an experience of inner light and its gnosis is so highly valued, whether it arrives spontaneously or is inspired by a particularly radiant sunrise or sunset, the romance of moonlight, the simple glint of a dewdrop on a leaf, sparkling in the breeze, or any other phenomenon.
However, despite learning from physics that everything is made from starlight, including our minds and bodies, the origin of consciousness still remains a sacred mystery. Being self-aware allows us to live a life filled with meaning and spiritual growth. Understanding how and why light has been used as the preeminent metaphor for consciousness – for our ability to think, to read these words, to consider them, weigh them up and decide where we stand in relation to them – can deepen our capacity to become more awake to the miracle of our lives as conscious beings.
I have also learnt, mainly from my experience of meditation practices, but also from neuroscience, that this realisation can improve with practice, just like everything else. As self-aware primates, we truly are the universe becoming aware of itself. Both our bodies and our minds are lit from within, in a way that overcomes the seeming separation of mind and matter. In fact, we are better off thinking of ourselves as a ‘bodymind’ that glows with life and consciousness, something the shamanic arts have always known. Experiencing this realisation can dissolve doubt and confusion, leaving spiritual generosity, forgiveness, understanding and gratitude in its wake.
Now, we need to rekindle the light within more than ever. In a ‘post-truth’ world riven with fake news and political corruption, media propaganda and data mining, we need trustworthy guidance. This will become increasingly important as climate chaos, resource wars and other forms of societal breakdown threaten us with correspondingly fierce internal storms of anxiety, depression and grief.
Such guidance is available to us, both as we grow in faith in our own personal abilities to discern right from wrong and in great stories filled with the power and authority of collective wisdom. These kinds of stories are traditionally called myths. Mythic lore is not merely the fanciful narratives we have been taught to mistrust, as if they were the childlike explanations of a universe that hadn’t yet been explained away by science. Myths are multidimensional universes of information, designed to enable us to manoeuvre through chaos and evolve beyond dangerous new circumstances. The mythic symbol of light is especially capable at conveying such information, when it is interpreted with respect, appreciation and familiarity.
‘That Inner Glow’ Retreat is now SOLD OUT. However, the book is forthcoming, so keep your eyes open for that later in the year!
Have you ever experienced the feeling that you are lit from within? Like you were radiating with an inner glow, which emanates love for yourself and for the whole universe. Calmed by a deep sense of knowing that all is well, but without judgement, agenda or limit. Sensing that you are a beacon in the ocean of experience, a star in deep space, a flaming furnace on a cold winter’s night, or simply enjoying a sense of warmth and comfort that came from nowhere, with no reason, but could not be denied.
When I was around seven years old, I was walking down the road near my home, along a dusty path near a beach lined with Norfolk Pine trees. Seemingly from nowhere, I felt a warm golden light glowing out of my core, enveloping everything in its love. In that moment, I knew that all would be well, for myself and others, as long as we trusted in that inner glow and its emanation of unconditional embrace.
I’d done nothing in particular to deserve this spontaneous experience, but neither could I pretend it hadn’t happened. It lasted for a while then faded away, just as days pass and we grow older. Since then, I’ve spent a lifetime seeking to understand the mysteries of light.
Across the course of this meandering path, I always trusted that sense of inner knowing, which the ancients called gnosis; but I learnt to question it too. In fact, if there was a soundtrack to my path towards adulthood, it would be Supertramp’s Logical Song. I found out how all those grownups became so seemingly crazy and confused, as I became one of them.
One thing I’ve noticed is that no matter who we are, if we can find more of that inner glow, tend to it and help it grow, we can come from that place of self-love and inner warmth more often. When we glow from within, others respond, and the light overcomes the darkness of ignorance, selfishness and confusion.
Throughout my life, I have spent decades studying the world’s myths and legends during an MA on dreaming and a PhD on light, learning to meditate, teaching, sitting still in nature, and contemplating the universe as it is manifest both right here and far, far away. Finally, I trust my findings enough to share them. And, because we all want an experience of life as well as a meaning for it, I’m going to offer this teaching at retreat, as well as in a book.
Join me, Dr Geoff Berry, at the ‘That Inner Glow’ Autumn Retreat at Bawley Bush Retreat, Bawley Point, NSW, with Clare Lovelace & local guest teachers
